i am hanging on every word you say @ 2:13 a.m. on 08.06.2003
Tonight was the last time I saw my best friend Nathan. He is going to California for two weeks and then to Gainesville for college. We parted on awkward terms, I was mad and we didn't say more than a couple of words to each other because -I- was the dipshit who avoided his gaze as much as I possibly could... And it's funny, how much I wish I could take that all back. If only he hadn't been such an asshole earlier... things would have been different. If only I would've put my pride aside, I would've written something, anything, EVERYTHING that I've ever wanted to tell him in his goodbye card. If only, if only, if only... It's always "if only.." If only I could stop making excuses for MY actions. If only I could've realized how much it is he means to me, how much his leaving means to me... I would've hugged him and kissed him and written him a letter and.. I don't know.I really wish he could go online right now, right this second... I'd have so much to say to him. So much that I didn't say when I had the chance. That's me, always letting chances pass her by, never speaking from her heart to the one person that it would matter the most to... I have a problem, ladies and gentlemen. I really, really, really miss my best friend.
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