The other day when I got home I almost burst into tears but had to hold them back realizing my mom was eating dinner. I said some expression-less words in her direction in order to satisfy her curiousity as to where the hell I'd been all weekend, then retreated to my room to wallow in whatever funk it is I felt that night. Before she goes to sleep she knocks on my door and asks what's wrong, not in a confrontational way like she's known for doing but in a motherly way, and I remained expression-less. The millisecond she turned away I put my hands against my face and started to cry... I don't know what I felt or what I was thinking, everything was so mixed up. I go back to the computer to talk to the 2 people I had been conversing with, and I say "I should've hugged my mom." I should've just been talking to my dog, for that is the response I get, always. I didn't feel like talking anymore. I was just tired, I wanted to go to sleep and forget that I lived after all. In the dark I cried some more and turned for like an hour and then finally fell asleep. I'm tired of having my feelings ignored, pretending like everything is fine... who will miss me after they haven't seen me in a long time? No one right, that's what I thought.