i am hanging on every word you say @ 4:47 p.m. on 02.17.2003
And isn't it sad how great love can come to a tragic end from one day to the next, simply because of a missed phone call, or a couple of unsaid words. And it happens too quickly to catch it, too quickly to recall it later. And everything collapses at your feet, and the one place you thought you could call your home vanishes, and all of a sudden isn't. And you remember how this place was never your home, you never felt you belonged here... everything you didn't have has been stripped from you and so you lay, defeated and out of arguments, without money and a shoulder to cry on, without a place to go... absent from reality. Because that's all you have now. And this great love that you hung on to so dearly left you broken and withered on the side of the road, and now you have to walk for miles to your next unknown destination. And there's no fixing this non-existant "great love" now... so much built up in what seemed so little, but so unnaturally long. Everything changes, yet nothing changes at the same time. You've known it all along, and now it's all left in the brutal opening for someone else to jut into YOUR LIFE and analyze it to pieces... and you know there's no winning here, even with outside perspectives. The judges are biased and this competition was decided the day you moved in... you would be the loser and go away with nothing in your hands. And it all comes down to this moment, this one solitary moment where things broke down and you realize this HELL is over, and you wonder why you stuck by through all those hard times and all the screaming and shattered mirrors and picture frames. But it's done. And now you're free. And though this freedom was hard earned, standing at the door, with a few bags in your truck you think, "What do I have left to gain?"... and you wander aimlessly through the streets, trying to find your place again after your world was violently shaken, and brutally destroyed. You choke on the words to that faint song that you once relied on for comfort. Now it brings memories of an uncharted territory you thought you conquered... and this is all you have.
the past & the futurepast × note × book
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