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Talking to him makes me angry and sad... there's so much there that he's oblivious to, and will remain so. But the bliss he endures in his ignorance is frustrating to me. But I can't risk all the aforementioned things. He means too much to me... I need to figure out what it is I feel... how is this defineable; how do I stop it? Why him? Why me? I need something to pose as my catharsis... to start and keep me going, more by crying my feelings out over anything else. There's this pent up sadness, anger, frustration, and desperation. I'm dying to rid myself of it. Talking to Bryan made me feel great. He was so sweet, so nice... so refreshing. It's been so long since someone has said kind words to me. Every other word from someone's mouth is a mean tease, always joking around, of course. But I'm sick of it. You can only laugh for so long. I don't need any more negativity than I bring upon myself. Stupid, pathetic, whatever you want to call it, I DON'T CARE, because it's me, it's what I'm used to, and I don't know any better because I've never had any better. |